A man has been slammed online after sharing that he had attended his brother’s out-of-town bachelor party despite his wife’s disapproval. The wife’s discontent stemmed from needing help with childcare and feeling unsupported by her husband in recent months.
The man wrote in a Reddit post: “I might be the a****** for still going [to the party] after [my wife] disapproved, and for not seeing where she was coming from in terms of needing help to look after the baby.”
The verdict from the 2,900 Reddit users who debated the dispute was against the man who was blamed for prioritizing his brother’s party over childcare needs.
A 2015 survey by the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia revealed that women are more likely to be unhappier in their relationships when compared to men.
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In the since-deleted Reddit post, the husband had said that his wife needed help with looking after their child and that she had felt hurt after he chose to attend his brother’s party instead.
How To Reconcile After a Fight?
While it’s not uncommon for couples to fall out over differences in how they prioritize their time, it can be challenging to reconcile this wound.
Irene Abbou, a relationship expert trained in the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy, told Newsweek: “A couple is hardwired to respond to each other differently than to others. This is because they subconsciously have substituted the other as an attachment figure.”
Abbou advises that for disputes to be resolved healthily, couples need to communicate intentionally and be understanding of each other’s potential reactions.
“Listen with an open heart to why they are having this response. It’s often a trigger from past trauma that they are not even aware of,” she added.
The expert recommends the couple in question speak with one another about how they can compromise in situations like this. Either party would benefit from improving their emotional intelligence and self-awareness before addressing the issues within their relationship.
“She (the wife) should use a gentle start-up. Research shows that the way we start a conversation is the way the conversation will end. Begin expressing yourself with a soft tone,” said Abbou, suggesting the wife use emotive words to express the way that she feels such as, “it makes me feel hurt when you leave me to manage the children on my own.”
What if Your Partner Is Controlling?
Although there has been no indication that the wife referenced in the Reddit post is controlling, if your partner is unreasonably disgruntled by you choosing to attend an event or function instead of spending time with them then the relationship could be falling into the red-flag territory.
“It’s likely that if a person grew up with a controlling parent or one that was walked all over, they will have challenges with control,” Abbou explained.
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The relationship expert told Newsweek: “A spouse with controlling behavior is in a lot of fear and anxiety. They can fear abandonment, betrayal, loss of power, and a tsunami of overwhelming emotions. Some who try to control others are aware of this troubling conduct but don’t have the tools to stop it.”
Abbou argues that mildly controlling behavior becomes problematic when it begins affecting an individual’s everyday life negatively.
What Do the Comments Say?
Although the users reacting to the post are quite divided and pick holes in the man’s argument, many commenters have chosen to side with him.
In need of more information to fully understand the situation, one user wrote: “How old is newborn? How difficult was the pregnancy and delivery? How is your wife recovering? How is the baby doing?”
“Yeah, OP really needs to provide this info before we can render a judgment,” another user added.
A third user was firm in their support for the wife: “YTA for putting your baby at risk by exposure and ignoring your commitment to your wife and baby.”
Newsweek could not verify the details of this case.
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