The woman in question had been dating her boyfriend for 3 years, and they’d finally decided to get married. At a family dinner, they mentioned this to his family, as it was a big step in their relationship. His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for the couple.
And then, out of nowhere, her boyfriend’s youngest sister-in-law asked, “So is she going to take the test?” It turned out that the family of her husband-to-be had a peculiar family tradition, which came as a big and unpleasant surprise to the woman.
This is how the heroine of the story described this test: “In summary, my boyfriend’s family has this tradition where the future mother-in-law tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons. Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc.”
The existence of this tradition revealed some other interesting angles. For example, the mother-in-law was convinced that a good wife should be a homemaker (like herself and her 3 daughters-in-law), because a career woman couldn’t be a worthy spouse for her son. And the author of the story loves her work, hates house chores, and has no intention of changing her priorities in order to please her future in-laws.
The boyfriend, however, is sure that there is nothing wrong with this tradition and that she’s just escalating the conflict. Instead, she should have just taken this test because he thinks it’s a fun tradition. But the heroine of the story doesn’t think so and decided to ask for advice online, “Am I right in refusing to take this test?” And she received more than 3,500 comments on her post.
- The boyfriend thinks it is a fun tradition for women who are marrying into the family to be judged on their “skills” in traditional, old-fashioned gender conforming roles? Fine. Let him take a test. He can rotate the tires, change the oil, and maybe rework the transmission on a car. Install a new muffler while he’s at it. Then he can perform a series of tests where he’s lifting heavy objects.
How are his plumbing skills? He’s gonna need to know how to fix a leaky faucet. Your father and brothers and male friends can judge him on his manliness and decide if he is prepared to be a “proper” husband. He might also need to prove he makes enough money to support you for when you have to stay home and perform all those “wifely” duties. © miss_trixie / Reddit
- Exactly. I had a similar thought. “I love traditions! Let’s start new ones. The men in my family will drop you in the woods with no resources a few days’ walk from civilization. If you make it back, the men will be at a judges’ table with scorecards to judge your wounds, health, and the weight of your leftover hunting winnings. Hope you score above a 5! Good luck!” © concretism / Reddit
- Hiking in the woods sounds like a pleasant weekend. If you really want to test men, make them do things like childcare and house cleaning. © skendax / Reddit
- I think it’s a huge red flag in the relationship that he is not defending you against his family, and leaving you hanging on this sexist bull. He’s failing the “man” test right now, and doesn’t seem like husband material unless he can step up and keep his family in check immediately, and apologize to you for the whole debacle. © rpsls / Reddit
- It sounds demeaning and patronizing as hell. If your boyfriend thinks you’re good enough for him, you shouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone else. © LethargicActionHero / Reddit
- I do all but the lifting and carrying, and my husband is far more “domestic.” It’s actually kind of an ongoing joke between us. I built a deck for our pool last summer, and he was extremely helpful handing the lumber up and holding boards while I cut them. He is an amazing cook, better with kid stuff than me by far, and a lot more likely to remember to sweep the floors and fold laundry.
The important thing is not to find someone who can pass a stupid “traditions” test, but to find someone who can be a good partner and compliment your abilities, so you can help each other through life. © eveban / Reddit
- If you and your boyfriend are both working, I would assume you’re equally responsible for 50% of the housework. I think he should be the one taking the test. If he thinks it’s so easy, he should have no issue with such a simple task. Maybe he should do it for your family, and you can test him using white gloves on surfaces. Then, they can decide if he’s acceptable. © kraemoon / Reddit
- It’s a slippery slope once you give into these “traditions.” Next he will be telling you it’s a tradition to have his mom stay for 3 months at a time, and you need to pander to her, it’s a tradition for his mom to move in once you have kids to “help out,” it’s a tradition for you to comply with her every wish… It will never end, and you will see this chill man that you fell for, that agreed you should keep working and such, do a bait and switch and all that’s in his mouth is a tradition. © Derbyshirelass40 / Reddit
- This isn’t just some “fun test.” This shows you everything about their views that you need to know. Just a gentle warning. My ex-husband came from a traditional family like that. We talked about me not quitting my job and him helping with kids, chores, etc. and before we got married, he always assured me that he didn’t want a relationship / family life like everyone in his family has, that he wants to be more modern.
It was all just talk. After the wedding, he wanted me to be a stay at home wife, keep the house tidy and spend all day cooking meals for him. He just grew up with this kind of life being normal, and ultimately, it was what he wanted too. We got a divorce over this. © HighOnCoffee19 / Reddit
After reading the comments, the woman did this, “I talked to my family and told them about the test. Yesterday they had us over for dinner and told him they would let me take his family’s test if he let my dad and male cousins put him through a similar test. He blew up about how ridiculous it is because it’s a family tradition for his family but for mine it’s something we came up with at random. I was starting to see a pattern, so I asked to take a break. It was great while it lasted.”
The relationship between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law is not always smooth, but sometimes the husband’s mother becomes even closer to you than your own mother.
Bright Side/Relationships/A Woman Decided to Test Her Future Daughter-in-Law, but She Chose the Wrong Person to Mess With